First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
