I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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