i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
