hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
