Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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