Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
