sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
