So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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