Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
