Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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