my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
