meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
