direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
