We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She told me I should be a condom model.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
