Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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