I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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