Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
