Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
