I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize