i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
