Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
