how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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