We're like a lot better than the average bears
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
