there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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