You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
