There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
