I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
