forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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