I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
