I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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