Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
