so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
