I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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