she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
