don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
