I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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