id be glad to
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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