i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
