But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There r osticjed everywhere
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
