Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize