The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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