Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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