Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
