It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
