Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
