4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
