i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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