Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
