Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
