the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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