Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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