I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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