i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
