pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
