the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
