I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
