Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
