Im at strip club and am horny
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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