Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
