Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize