I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Sober January is a disaster.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
