Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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