I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
