theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
