I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
