i just google imaged poop.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
