the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
