I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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