You can't special order awesome
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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