i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
