I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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