There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
