Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
