I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
