I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
