i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize