we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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