Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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