So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
