I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize